I was diagnosed (the first time) with rheumatoid arthritis at the ripe old age of 15. The wise and all knowing 15 year old that I was, I decided that the doctor was a total quack. After all, kids don't get arthritis, that's an old people problem!
For those of you that aren't familiar with RA, it is an autoimmune disease that affects the synovial fluid and tissue in the body. Synovial fluid/tissues are found everywhere there is a joint: from the jaw, all the way to the toes and everything in between. Basically, the immune system gets completely cracked out and starts attacking the joints, causing swelling and pain. One of the added benefits (insert sarcasm here) of this stupid disease is the fatigue. Because the immune system is working overtime, it taxes the body, sapping energy and leaving the person extremely exhausted. It is definitely NOT your grandma's arthritis!!! This disease affects babies and children, as well as adults.
When I turned 21, after my second child was born, my symptoms started raging out of control. It seemed like every joint in my body was made of ground glass. My joints wouldn't move because of the inflammation. The joints in my hands swelled and were red and hot to the touch. I couldn't use my hands to pick up my infant son. Instead, I learned to improvise by scooping him up with my forearms. I was literally walking like a 90 year old woman. My doctors ran the gambit of medications, trying to find the right drug cocktail to rein in my symptoms.
As anyone with chronic pain knows, it affects so many facets of your life, including your sleep patterns. When every single joint in your body hurts, it is almost impossible to sleep. Every time you or your spouse moves, you wake up from the pain. You can't do simple things like shower and get dressed without pain and exhaustion. The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino explains what it is like to live with the fatigue of autoimmune disease.
The crap part is, at a quick glance, I look healthy. Why is this a crap part you ask? Because people think, "If you look healthy, surely you must be healthy." It is very difficult for a 'Healthy' (yeah, that is what we Gimpees call you healthy folks) to understand why a young person, who appears healthy, should park in a handicap space. Or walk with a cane. Or can't go dancing with their friends.
So, fast forward over 20 years. I have had 16 surgeries, 11 of which were due to arthritic damage. This includes an artificial wrist joint (pictured above). I have been on very strong autoimmune suppressors for the past 13 years or so. This means that my body is more susceptible to illness and is very slow to heal. On the flip side though, it is because of this awesome medication that I can walk and function almost normally. This medication is the only reason my joints are in as good of shape as they are. It is the reason I can actually jog. Better living through chemistry!!!
People ask my why I push myself the way I do. The answer, quite simply, is because I CAN. There are days when I have to give in to my RA (or Arthur as I've come to call it) and can't run. Luckily those days are few lately. I have to seize the opportunity when it is presented to me. This disease makes my life somewhat unpredictable. Flares can come out of nowhere. Fatigue hits me like a truck. I have at least 2 more surgeries planned in the near future. So, when I feel decent, I push myself. When I feel like shit, I slow down.
I run for my Gimp Girls who have such bad RA that they can barely walk. I run for my sisters, my children and my mom, inspiring them to take care of these bodies we are given. Mostly, I run for myself. It makes me feel like I'm in control of my body, not some stupid disease.
For those of you that aren't familiar with RA, it is an autoimmune disease that affects the synovial fluid and tissue in the body. Synovial fluid/tissues are found everywhere there is a joint: from the jaw, all the way to the toes and everything in between. Basically, the immune system gets completely cracked out and starts attacking the joints, causing swelling and pain. One of the added benefits (insert sarcasm here) of this stupid disease is the fatigue. Because the immune system is working overtime, it taxes the body, sapping energy and leaving the person extremely exhausted. It is definitely NOT your grandma's arthritis!!! This disease affects babies and children, as well as adults.
When I turned 21, after my second child was born, my symptoms started raging out of control. It seemed like every joint in my body was made of ground glass. My joints wouldn't move because of the inflammation. The joints in my hands swelled and were red and hot to the touch. I couldn't use my hands to pick up my infant son. Instead, I learned to improvise by scooping him up with my forearms. I was literally walking like a 90 year old woman. My doctors ran the gambit of medications, trying to find the right drug cocktail to rein in my symptoms.
As anyone with chronic pain knows, it affects so many facets of your life, including your sleep patterns. When every single joint in your body hurts, it is almost impossible to sleep. Every time you or your spouse moves, you wake up from the pain. You can't do simple things like shower and get dressed without pain and exhaustion. The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino explains what it is like to live with the fatigue of autoimmune disease.
The crap part is, at a quick glance, I look healthy. Why is this a crap part you ask? Because people think, "If you look healthy, surely you must be healthy." It is very difficult for a 'Healthy' (yeah, that is what we Gimpees call you healthy folks) to understand why a young person, who appears healthy, should park in a handicap space. Or walk with a cane. Or can't go dancing with their friends.
So, fast forward over 20 years. I have had 16 surgeries, 11 of which were due to arthritic damage. This includes an artificial wrist joint (pictured above). I have been on very strong autoimmune suppressors for the past 13 years or so. This means that my body is more susceptible to illness and is very slow to heal. On the flip side though, it is because of this awesome medication that I can walk and function almost normally. This medication is the only reason my joints are in as good of shape as they are. It is the reason I can actually jog. Better living through chemistry!!!
People ask my why I push myself the way I do. The answer, quite simply, is because I CAN. There are days when I have to give in to my RA (or Arthur as I've come to call it) and can't run. Luckily those days are few lately. I have to seize the opportunity when it is presented to me. This disease makes my life somewhat unpredictable. Flares can come out of nowhere. Fatigue hits me like a truck. I have at least 2 more surgeries planned in the near future. So, when I feel decent, I push myself. When I feel like shit, I slow down.
I run for my Gimp Girls who have such bad RA that they can barely walk. I run for my sisters, my children and my mom, inspiring them to take care of these bodies we are given. Mostly, I run for myself. It makes me feel like I'm in control of my body, not some stupid disease.